Seven months after the initial onset of the illness had begun I felt physically stronger and ready to take on my life. During those seven months of the illness it became clear to me that I had to restart my life, begin again, so I left my prairie homeland and arrived at a destination along the West Coast of Canada waiting for a ferry headed for my soon to be island home. I arrived at the ferry terminal newly separated after 30 years of marriage and my daughter left home to pursue her dreams. I physically left behind 30 years of memories, photos, collections, family and friends but had a heart full of fond recollections of years past and new founded fears of what lay ahead. While waiting for the ferry I remembered the words my Guide shared with me one evening during my illness. The Guide whispered to me that it was time to move away from where I was and head to an island to experience more of who I am. I knew this to be true, I could feel it to my core, but I didn’t clearly know what this true life looked like for me…I sure wanted to find out. Over the years, my Guide Nathan, taught me that at some point in life we awaken the desire for more of our true self to be revealed and embraced and that life will unfold a path leading to the expression of the true self. He taught that in order to travel that path we needed to be aware of the clues of love in our life and to be willing to courageously follow those clues. He also taught that all emotions, all feelings, all that we experience is part of the sacred, authentic path and are sacred teachers that should not be judged. Well, here I was, embracing my path and I was feeling so depressed, so down hearted, confused, numb and damn good and mad at the Divine as I stood at the ferry terminal waiting for the ferry to take me to my new home. I kept thinking that being my true self meant I should be more accepting, loving, more grateful for the journey that lead me to this point, after all it was an inspired journey by my Guide Nathan, but in the moments before boarding the ferry I had a “hate” on for the Divine as never before, and felt as if I was being singled out and punished by the Divine. I now realize that those feelings were authentic, true and real and the gateway to freeing myself..true feelings…true self.
My small little car was packed with the few things I had saved from my previous life, my fuming attitude filled the rest of the car with distrust and fears of the future. My heart was torn from the separation of a marriage and the empty nest. As I pondered my situation I recognized the hauntingly familiar sound of the whistle of an eagle. I looked upwards and there, on a pole at the entranceway to the ferry stood a huge eagle, majestic, strong, powerful. The eagle kept looking at me, twisting his head at an angle that would allow him full view of my car. I stepped out of the car and took in the beauty of this majestic being. I was completely engaged with the beautify of this eagle. I noticed that this engagement with the eagle created a place where my pain had stopped, the tear in my heart softened, my angry attitude forgotten, all I could think about was the absolute gift of this eagle in front of me, the mesmerizing presence of this winged gate keeper. I was completely in the present moment, and it was the perfect place to be! Suddenly the eagle dipped its head, spread out its wings and looked as if it was going to dive towards me, I felt a shiver go through my body. Such power, such strength was displayed by this eagle. As the eagle stood there in this pose, I realized he had snapped me even further into the present moment, I was fully, 100% present, and as a result of being so present, my suffering subsided and whatever suffering was left had no power over the moment. Suddenly I was aware that I could smell the salty sea air, feel the heat of the sun on my face, feel my breath in my body, and saw the gift of the life laid out before me. I was alive, and I was living my life, taking a chance and letting go. I was like the eagle, poised for my moment(s), ready to take off into the next phase of my life journey.
What I learnt: I am absolutely abundantly amazingly authentic in all moments of my life. Sometimes Im authentically messed up, other times Im authentically loving, all aspects of me are authentic and true and I need to experience the real blueprint called me…lumps, bumps, grumbles and more….I am perfection, creation, an intended existence and all experiences are important contributors to the bigger picture of my life.
-I experienced that authenticity (being the true self) is not the same as perfection and often the pursuit of authenticity is actually a mask for seeking perfection. I am perfectly imperfect and authentically flawed and beautiful all at the same time. Authenticity unfolds and is imperfect, perfection demands and is limiting
– Authenticity is present, real, true and always alive and well, it does not need to be sought after but rather it requires a walk in life that reveals, bit by bit, the truest expression of who I am and why I am here. Also, the experience of my true self can change and alter day by day, It is not a destiny but rather a journey.
-The eagle, to me, was a sacred messenger and these messengers are all around all day long. They come in the form of family, friends, fur babies, winged wisdom, the plants, the sky, clouds, waves, the smell of salty air by the ocean and so much more. The eagle taught me to wake up, be in the present moment, and in that present moment awareness teachers, sacred clues and messages will appear so that I can embrace the journey ahead.
I boarded the ferry after thanking the eagle. I felt my wings spread, my eyes wide open, my heart ready to step into my life. I was alive….ALIVE!! This is what being alive was all about, being in the present moment and engaging with Divine sacred teachers, messengers and embracing the journey called life. I boarded that ferry, confidently and with a renewed strength. I watched as the eagle flew off majestically over the ocean looking for its next student..I bought a latte, and sat on the deck of the ferry enjoying the view.
Blessings and Light