Tumble weeds and Crickets!

In my last blog post I talked about a time in my life when I couldn’t feel the presence of my Guides nor hear their sage advice. In my life I have often encountered the deafening silence of no Guidance from “Spirit land”. The perceived lack of guidance is not a comfortable feeling at all, it can be stressful, overwhelming, lonely and fuel for an outright temper tantrum!

Often I am told by friends and family, “you are an Intuitive, you must hear guidance all the time” or “oh its easy for you, you have a direct line to the Guides”….um, no! As with any human, I have my frailties and faults, doubts and fears but one thing I have learnt in my work as an Intuitive is that the perception that my beloved guides are missing in action is actually manifested from my fears and doubts and not based on any reality, in fact, they are right there beside me waiting for me to become more grounded and present.

Recently in a meditative conversation with my beloved Guide Nathan, I asked a few key questions that helped me understand where my guides are during times of stress and indecision, and why I cant hear them.  In sharing my Guides response I hope that you too can find a peaceful place in your heart when the journey feels like you have landed in a ghost town where the only inhabitants are tumbleweeds and crickets and the silence between you and guidance is deafening.

I began my interaction with Nathan by invoking his presence,  “My beloved Guide”, I said, ” I find it ever so stressful when you are silent in my times of trouble, I feel alone, and am afraid to make the wrong decision during these times. I fear I will follow a path incongruent with who I am and the wishes of Creator. Where are you in these moments of silence?!” I could feel a knot of anger welling up inside, a sense of a perceived injustice that must be brought before the light.  My Guide answered “Dear one, as we have shared with you before, we are like a sacred coach on the sidelines of your life allowing you to strengthen your resolve and develop your power as we cheer you on, but yes there is more”. Knowing that gratitude is the catalyst for connection with my Guide, I respectfully said “I am deeply grateful for all that you give and all that you allow to strengthen me, but I need to understand the depth of what is actually going on so I can truly release into the trust of your wisdom”. In other words, where the (blank blank) are you when I need you, like for real, spill the beans oh wise one!

Nathan continued, “Dear one, I am your beloved Guide, a guardian of your own personalized book of Authenticity and Truths. I am aware of your journey from beginning to the very end, it is my responsibility to guard your Light, your heart and path. You are a gift to this world, all humans are, even those who are expressing darkness are a gift to bring more Light into the world. When you are in fear, doubt, when you pain and tantrum, when you panic and fill yourself with worldly fears you have become more of the world and less of yourself.” I interjected, “please, keep it simple my guide, I am not complex and need a direct response.” My Guide Nathan continued “If it is simplicity that you want, then here is a serving of what you ask…My duty is to hold you in the Light of how you were created to be, I see only your authentic self, yes, you are human and must at times spin with fear and folly but dear one when you dwell in it, feed off of it, when your woes and tantrums become your minds main food, then I must stand in silence, holding all of your dreams in my arms guarding them from the wounded mind. I must keep them close to me and guard them as a mother bear guards the cubs. I keep them from contamination of worldly thoughts and fears and guard their purity. I hold the vision of who you really are, and stand in silence until even for a moment your peace returns, your presence, then I will join with you again to continue your journey. Understand dear one, it is a loving guardianship of your dreams that is in action, not abandonment or the with- holding of your life”

I asked Nathan, “Then how do I reconnect to my authentic self and retrieve what you are keeping safe for me, in other words how do I get back on track when my mind is filled with fears and anxiety, worry, when the bills aren’t paid or I fear for my child, or I worry about love or the lack there of?” I felt a bit frustrated at this point, I thought please don’t ask me to live in constant bliss, ask me to levitate or meditate or drink Kombucha! Im an active, vital, slightly mischeivious personality who loves to live life boldly and on the edge, I love to live IN the world and not on the Island of Woo Woo!

“Why dear one would we ask you in these times of trial to be anyone but you? We know who you are and how you react, how you live. We do not demand obedience, we ask for your presence. Yes, live IN the world! Enjoy! You must live IN the world in order to share your brilliant light with others!  We do not ask that you live a pristine life in order to be worthy of Guidance, ney, that is religion not Spirit!” In a rather robust way Nathan concluded by saying “Allow yourself to feel, react, respond, have your tantrum experience, but once you are aware of your spin and you take a moment to stop blaming everything and everyone, when you notice that you are feeding on repetitious fears, take a moment in silence, perhaps even a day, be completely and utterly silent, no input, no output, sit still and breathe…breathe in and out so so slowly, gather your awareness that in this moment you are alive, your are fed, watered, you are alive! Take a walk, be aware of what is around you, give gratitude for your eyes , for your ears, for your senses, your legs and the heart beating in your chest. Bring everything back to a simple place of being grateful and in the present moment.”

I asked, “is this all about having faith in you and never being lost or upset?”  “Ney Ney, no dear one, it is not about Faith in the present moment, or a guide, an angel or more. It is about reconnecting to the faith you naturally have in yourself, in your ability to love, in the fact that you are walking faithfully in the mystery of being alive every moment of your day!  Dear one, when you can connect to even a snippet of faith in yourself, then we can see you and begin to release your life back to you. It is not about faith in another, it is about faith in yourself for it is in you that all Light, love and miracles radiate from. The energy of the highest source is in every beat of your heart, in the vibrational frequencies of you, your life, your breath. Have faith in you and then we can see you again, ..then we can release back to you your answers, your dreams and wise ways”. 

Nathan concluded his teaching, “We do not withhold from you we protect for you, we do not stifle your experience, we honour your experience and expression, we do not abandon  we hold vigil in silence whilst you traverse your fears and worries. We, your guides, are not interested in worldly accomplishments, ney, we do not care whether you are a pastor, a president, a street sweep or a parent, those are all irrelevant to us, all we care about is that you embrace the fact that it is a miracle that you are alive, that you are full of love and the capability to share this, and that your full expression of love is alive and exploring your world.”

“Dear one, to reconnect to guidance, to come back to your centre when all feels lost, remember this….When you hurt dear one, love another, when you are poor, give…when you are confused, pause and be still, when you are sad, wipe the tear of one that has more pain. Step further into your stillness, heal another to heal yourself, and most of all, be grateful…you are truly a miraculous gathering of so much more then your pains and frustrations.”

What did I learn

-I have been taught that in times of trouble to have faith outside of myself, but in this interaction I learnt that I am a source of wealth and possibility, creativity, and joy.  When I am off course, panic filled and feel alone and abandoned by my higher source it means that I am flooded with too much input from the world, that I am more invested in my worries then the beauty of being alive in this moment.

-In order to bring myself back to a place of clarity and hear my Spirit’s guidance I need to silence the outer world, the chatter all around me, if even for a few moments. Breathe, find places and pockets of sincere gratitude, feel a warmth of love inside and then ask for guidance and clarity without expectation of an immediate download from my Guides.  Then, from a peaceful place, state my truth, return back to the feeling of love and warmth, present moment awareness and return to my life newly charged knowing that my inner being is fed and acknowledged by the love in my heart and that from this place all will be known. Also, in times where I feel absolutely locked down with fears and worry, then it is time to love more, share more, care more, and give outside of myself greater then the pain I hold within.

Blessings and Light

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Where did my guides go?! Trust in the silent times..

I recently went through a period of time where I could not hear my Guide whisper sacred wisdom to me. I had run into a time of indecision in my life and I really needed to hear my sacred Guide’s loving, sometimes brutally honest, words. In order to invoke guidance I prayed, meditated, went for walks, hugged a tree, played with my dog, fasted, binged on chips, did yoga, lay on the sofa watching motivational movies all day, journaled, and pleaded for mercy, all to no avail.

In a final attempt to get my Guide’s attention I resorted to an outright tongue lashing aimed at the heavens. I gave the Divine a piece of my mind…a rather dramatic moment that only exhausted me.  I yelled out, “Where are you!!”, tear filled eyes, fists pointed to the heavens.   “What…are you hanging out at Starbucks having a Latte! I NEED YOU”!!  I waited, hoping that my rather powerful, drama filled moment would result in my Guide giving up their position in favour of my needs. In my mind I imagined my Guide succumbing to my drama and falling before me on bended knee apologetically giving me all that I wanted….nope.  Despite my protests and dramatic outcry, the silence continued.

I reactively came to the conclusion that I had no other choice but to implement a solution to my situation all on my own. I continued to blame blame blame, everyone and everything, oh poor me all alone no guidance by Spirit! I justified moving into control mode by concluding that Spirit had abandoned me. I forgot my Guide’s sacred teaching that  “it is not Spirits job to jump to MY demands but that Spirit is there to help unfold my most authentic expression and sometimes that expression is found in burning silence and the unfamiliar. Noise and clammer demanding a response from Spirit will never trick a Guide into serving that which does not serve.”  

So, off I went, taking control and stomping forward with my plans.  I spent hours and hours calculating things out and exacting a perfectly laid out plan. As I reviewed my plan I noticed I had a familiar sense of being satiated, but it was the kind of satiation similar to that of emotionally binge eating a big fat turkey dinner. I felt bloated, stuffed, tired, raring to go, my mind zipping around. I felt like I had the perfect plan,  I could see the perfect outcome.  I had all the ducks lined up in a row to make my plan happen, my ego was full and sedated.  The sense of control was stifling yet exhaustively exhilarating.  I knew this was a self perpetrated plan put in place out of impatience, fear and a need for control. The plan was bathed in solutions that were loud and dominant, richly spiced in the familiar. Although I found solutions I did not have peace. Nathan, my guide, previously taught me  “when you are on plan for your life, a silent whisper of peace will prevail, not satiation, but peace.” I did not feel peace, I felt a sense of control and satiated.

I ripped up the plan, put on my back pack and headed for the ocean. I have not come this far in my growth to tumble backwards into a pit of fear and control!  I needed to get out of my head and away from the nagging natter that was imprisoning me.  I zipped down to the beach and made a concerted effort to be in the present moment with no other agenda. I needed to be completely connected to all that was around me. No thoughts, just feelings of gratitude.

I went for a walk along the beach and gratefully embraced the scenery of snowy white capped mountains and the crystal clear ocean. I allowed my soul to fill with joy knowing that in this very moment, right now, I am alive, my life is filled with glorious gifts and they are all around me.  In this present moment all is absolute perfection.

Along my walk I reminisced about where my life was at several years ago and the miracle of where I am now. My whole being felt lighter, free, and at peace.  My Guide Nathan has taught me.. “Being in the present moment would not erase my trials, but if I allowed my self to indulge in the silent gift of the present moment and find the golden gems to be grateful for, I would experience the love of the Divine bathing me gifts and peace filled wisdom to assist with my trials. In the peace of the present gratitude filled moment, Guidance will fall upon me like a rainfall of golden wisdom from the great beyond.”  Feeling full of the present moment, my heart opened and my Guide’s wisdom began to flood in. My Guide did not give me answers to my dilemma, but rather gave me the guidance on how to navigate my trial in a most authentic way.

Nathan, my Guide,  started to whisper to my heart.. Dear one, you have learnt a most valuable lesson here. We, your beloved sacred messengers will not always be a rattling of noise filled directives swarming around you. We will always give you the sacred space to walk, as a toddler, on your own.” I listened intently, “My dear one, if we always natter to you, if we always hold your hand and direct you, where will you strengthen in your own resolve, your own instincts,  your own power and strength? Does a parent always hold the hand of a toddler, of one learning to ride a bike?…No, eventually we must let go and let you gather your strength, confidence, and sense of fulfillment.”

My guide continued,.. “Does a school teacher move in and live with you and tell you what to always do? N0 no, a good teacher empowers, draws from the inside out what is pure of the student, then leaves them to strengthen their self”. We are closest to you when we are silent.  Like a parent releasing the bike whilst a child is learning to ride, fear not for we are running behind or beside you, we are chasing away the wicked winds or clearing the stones, but we are there in the most supportive way. We may let you fall, but that is part of the learning. How else can your strengthen your resolve but only if you get to experience the silence.”

I asked Nathan, “then how do I know when Im taking over control out of fear and suffering verses implementing  skills I have learnt along the way to empower my journey? He replied “It’s all in the noise dear one. If the rattlings of the mind are loud, aggressive, all knowing, if the plan is laid out from start to finish in an exacting way with a perfect outcome, if you are implementing from impatience, fear and a feeling of suffering, then it is you and not us. These are musings from the past that give false comfort to an insecure feeling of the future.  But, If you feel the tingle of the unfamiliar, a shiver of fear that not all aspects are known yet, a silent excitement at the prospects of the unknown, if  the plan comes to you as  intermittent insights with space in-between to learn and apply, if it is creative, the unusual, if you are moving into uncharted territory but feel a jitter of joy, if the plan implements the new without historical muses, ah yes, then that is us!”

What did I learn

-Silence is a good thing, it is the space in which I learn trust, faith and patience. It is a time to take a day and be in the present moment, knowing all that I have been given, and gratefully celebrating. When my heart is overjoyed with the feeling of gratitude, it is from this space that I can begin to make my plans, peacefully, creatively and in a Light filled way.

-Noise, chatter, fear, feeling rushed, unfamiliar, taking control, a perfectly articulated plan are all indicators that only my mind is involved and Im drawing my conclusions from historical references vs creating my life looking forward. Im operating from comfort vs stretching, the space to grow into what I have learnt is robbed by the invasion of needed comfort to buffer the discomfort of moving from the familiar.

-Silence means my guides are right there, like a coach on the sidelines, watching, saying to me “go for it, lets see what you have learnt so we know what to tweek”. My Guide, just like a coach, has not abandoned me but has faith in what I have learnt, and is merely giving me an opportunity to exercise what I have been taught…the next lesson will come to enhance what I successfully apply, and to empower what I have forgotten.

-Just like a good Coach, my guide gives me lessons, then sends me out onto the field to empower what I have learnt. My Guide lets me “run with the ball!” Like a good coach, a Guide will not run the ball over the goal line (give the answer) but will coach you on how to get there. The silence means Spirit is giving me a chance to exercise what I have learnt under the teachings of Spirit’s guidance and under the watchful eye of my Guide.

Blessings and Light – Denise

Feel free to email me at the address noted below your thoughts on this blog post. If you have a topic that you would like to see a post on, please leave your suggestion at the following email…denysea77@gmail.com 

 

 

 

 

 

The gift of simplicity….

Three years ago my daughter came out to the Island to celebrate Christmas with me. I was thrilled at the thought of spending time with her! I planned a very special meal for her with all the trimmings and all her favourites. I spent several days gathering the groceries, planning the menu assuring that traditional family favourites were included and that she would have a magical time during her visit.

I awoke early on the day of her arrival and started to prepare the food. In my mind it was going to be a banner Christmas! This was our second celebration of Christmas as a newly reconfigured family. This Christmas it would be just she and I, and I felt a strong sense of responsibility to make sure everything was just perfect. I prayerfully asked my Angels to help make this the best Christmas ever!  As 4pm rolled around I started up the oven, had the turkey ready to cook, my plan was that it would be ready to serve when she arrived at my home. As I placed the turkey in the oven, the lights began to flash in my apartment, all of the sudden the power died out in the entire building!  After several cell phone calls to the local electrical company I was finally informed that the power was out for at least 6-10 hours with no hope of it being re-connected any time soon. Great, December 24th, a half cooked meal, and no power. I sat on my sofa feeling upset and began to call on my guides for help and direction. Nathan began to speak to my heart…  “Dear one, for so long you have maintained the tradition, but I ask you, what is your true Christmas? What creates magnificent memories dear one are truly authentic expressions of love and the simplicity in the moment”.  Geeze, I thought, thanks for the wisdom, so now what!  My Guide continued..“Trust that we will show you a celebration bathed in your authentic self.  Release all control, follow the clues, and see what manifests. We heard your prayer dear one, it will be the best Christmas ever..trust!”

After much grumbling and mumbling I gave in to Nathan’s requests and surrendered to the process. I gathered the half cooked meal and refrigerated what I could. I collected my grumbly self and set out to pick up my daughter at the airport. As I travelled through the city I noticed that a vast majority of homes in my end of town were without power! As I drove along I heard my guide Nathan whisper to my heart, “Surrender, and follow the clues.”

After greeting my daughter at the airport I informed her about the situation, she smiled, gave me a big hug and said “cool Mom, lets go on an adventure!” As we drove home, desperately searching for a restaurant to enjoy our Christmas meal it quickly became evident that not a single place was open on this Christmas Eve. After giving up hope for a meal at a good restaurant we came across a “sign”, yep, the good old golden arches, a McDonalds fast food restaurant! We pulled in and ordered the Seasonal Burger (Turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce on a bun!) and fries. Laughing uncontrollably at the situation we each took our bags of food and headed home. As we entered my darkened apartment, I lit two candles and spread out a blanket on the floor. We sat on the floor, the room was dimly lit by candle light and we proceeded to munch away on our fries, Seasonal Burger and sipped on a rather warm soda drink.

Our beautiful Christmas eve dinner in a bag lasted for hours. The comfort of just hanging out and simply being ourselves created an environment in which we chatted, giggled,  and laughed for hours. We fed the dog some fries, watched the candles dance in the darkness and drank our sodas, even at times blowing bubbles through the straws and watching the soda foam up through the straw. I didn’t want the evening to end! It was perfect, it was beautiful, it was love!

As the clock neared midnight, the lights came back on, the electrical power had been re-established. We both felt a twinge of sadness that our burger and fries campsite had been infiltrated by the bright lights.  All forms of traditional shoulds and should nots, right and wrong, good and otherwise were stripped away in our Christmas Eve dinner experience and were  replaced by simplicity, connection, laughter, spontaneity and playfulness. It was the best Christmas ever! Of course, I have no regrets of celebrations past, glorious memorable times with friends and family, ancestral recipes celebrated.  Im sure that we will continue traditions and celebrations in the future but now with the added simplicity of authentically celebrating one another for who we simply are. Christmas three years ago was filled with candle light and camping out with our burgers and fries and it was the perfect Christmas, my prayers were answered!

What did I learn:

-The unexpected can be a glorious journey filled with frustration, love and laughter, its all about how I flow with the moment and what I choose to make of it. The unexpected can be an opportunity vs an obstacle.

-Creator hears my prayers, maybe not in the way that I see the outcome to be, but none the less, prayers do get answered when I surrender to the process that I am invited into by Spirit

-I learnt to view difficult, unplanned situations as an opportunity to experience a higher perspective of what love and celebration is all about

-traditions, family events, and ancestral ways are all sacred and beautiful opportunities to connect to my heritage, but, accepting an opportunity to step outside of the norm creates a wonderful opportunity to bond even deeper, fuller and with unexpected bouts of uncontrolled laughter…the universe does have a wonderful sense of humour!

-When I am frustrated because things aren’t going as I planned (not my favourite scenario lol!), I simply sit still for a moment, breathe, ask prayerfully for guidance and then listen to that still small inner voice for guidance. Trust that the guidance is for my higher good and take the risk of stepping into a scenario that may reveal itself as an even greater experience

-Spirit loves simplicity, finds love in a moment of laughter, connects hearts through unplanned spontaneous moments, breaks down barriers and walls through the breaking of bread together…even if it is a Seasonal Burger and fries!!

Blessings and Light

PS, Im almost finished my first E-book! It will be a simple, easy to follow book focused on creating a connection with your Spirit Guide. I will send out a notice when its published, Im hoping it will be released within the next month, in time for the New Year!

 

 

Nine thousand sunsets….

Recently I read an article that served up a huge ah-ha moment for me, it felt like a soul awakening reality check. In the article the author wrote that according to the national average, North Americans live to approximately 79 years of age (Im averaging the difference between US and Canada, Europeans apparently get an extra year or two). The author stated that he is turning 50 years old this year and realized that according to national averages for longevity he would have approximately 29 more summers to enjoy! Now of course we all pray and think we will live longer but really, we have no idea how long we will be here and the author wanted to bring home the awareness that every moment is a gift and so very precious. Wow, what a wake up call for me!

After reading the article I sat back and calculated my earthly time if I lived as long as the National average dictates. That meant that if I lived to be the average age of 79 I would have….24 summers, 24 birthdays,  24 changes of season, 9000 sunrises and 9000 sunsets left!  oh my the numbers were obviously speaking a loud message…am I making a living or making a life, the choice is mine, the time is thine! Soon I will be 55 and those summers, birthdays and sunrises of the past 55 years have zipped by in a heartbeat! Time to embrace the next phase of life!

Upon completing my calculations and looking at the possible time left here on earth I surprisingly felt no sadness, no pain, no regrets of the life I have lived thus far. My guide Nathan has always taught me that “life is absolute perfection, authentic and real in this moment..then the next…then the next”.  What did arise in me was a strong sense of wanting to get to the celebration of more of my life, to live with more awareness, to dance even when I feel vulnerable, laugh out loud, live fully and bring forth the fullness of me in every moment. Im not talking about living a perfectly achieved, strived for, aced it kind of life. Im talking about missing fewer sunrises or sunsets, to really and I mean really celebrate birthdays (eat the damn cake, with ice cream and love it!), to bathe in the sun on those sacred summer days, to really slow down to enjoy the autumn colours and allow myself to breathe in..deeply.. the salty sea air.  Time to get that haircut Ive been waiting to one day have, to wear the jeans I love no matter what my inner critic says, to live, travel, to be alive, cry more if I need, sleep in sometimes, embrace my dreams, to worry less about making a living and celebrate more of  life. Yes, debts, payments, rent, family struggles, etc are all facts of life, but they are not the only force or focus in life.  I do choose to live a minimalistic lifestyle but not for the sake of suffering but for the sake of liberating my time and space so I can live more of life. Ive had my shares of traumas and dramas and probably more to come, thats called life, but in the past Ive often allowed it all bowl over me like a tsunami verses riding the wave and being present in my life alongside of what it is that I need to address and care for. In other words, that which I focus on will be my day spent…how do I wish to live this day?

The article I read re-affirmed everything I understood and committed to after my life threatening illness. I learnt that life is an absolute gift,.. sometimes its a gift box filled with thorns and wasps, other times its chocolate cake and puppies but the simple fact that I am on this side of the grass today gives me a blank slate to decide how do I want to live life. Am I going to let life live me, do I want to make a living or do I want to make a life? Im alive…the choice is mine.

What did I learn?

-Be compassionate and loving to myself for the times that I made choices to make a living and was too busy to live my life. Its okay to be human and falter and fall, get up again only to trip over yet another trial. I can look back on life with regrets or I can look back on life like a hungry student eager to learn my lessons and apply them in life

-Living a life vs making a living does not mean that I will sit in the bushes in a lotus position hoping that dollars will fall from heaven and ignore my opportunity to make active contributions to the world. It means that I will slow down (or speed up) enough to see that sunrise, to eat the cake, to go for the walk, to get my faux hawk haircut, to wear the jeans, to dance, to laugh, to love, to cry, to strive, to achieve, to drive the convertible (and let the wind blow my hair), to eat pasta in Italy, and more. Living life means I can have a dream, career, lover, financial goals, visions for my life, but they exist as a part of the whole of me, not the only force to live for. In other words, I choose to pay attention to that which gives me joy and brings love to others and live more in alignment with those choices rather than be a slave to the constant barrage of have to’s and have not’s that drive me to exhaustion and disconnect me from the beautiful love around me.

-I really don’t know how long I have here on the planet in human form, I pray it will be for a long time.  I will not live from scarcity or fear around death and living but I will make conscious choices to live from the place of knowing that my time here is a gift and to embrace a sense of urgency to really relish in and savour this precious gift of life.

Blessings and Light! Time to go eat that cake!!!

 

Chips and dip….

Today its a rainy day here on the West Coast, and its so so dreary! Normally I would love a walk in the rain, its my favourite thing to do, but today Im sitting like an old lump on a log feeling sorry for myself, why? Its Thanksgiving weekend, everywhere I go its family family family! My family is my daughter, my beautiful sacred rather independent daughter who lives a very long way away from me. My mind highlights the presence of daughters and Mothers everywhere, and when my mind fixates on this, well the landslide begins…”look at that mother and daughter and where is your daughter”, “your all alone”, “you’ll never have that kind of relationship (fixating on a mother and daughter laughing while picking out a turkey)”, on and on and on!! I felt like the world was going to hell and I was on the first flight headed for the journey to the land of darkness (catch the dramatic drift yet lol?)

After a good six hours of hounding my daughter by text, moving into the presumed healing ability of a bag of Lays chips and a large Helva onion dip, crying to a sad song, and hugging my. resistant independent Shitzu, I sat myself down at my desk and decided to connect to my Spirit Guide Nathan. My plan was to give him an earful about how terribly unfair this all is, why oh why me, blah blah blah. One thing Ive learnt about Spirit is that the best laid out plans are usually the farthest from the truth that awaits me. If I think I know it all and take control, I usually end up crashing or messing up, but if I give in to surrender, and I mean truly surrendering my cares and worries to Spirit, then there is space for me to love me and let my life grow. I digress…sorry…anyway, I called upon my Guide Nathan, he immediately entered the sacred space of my meditation. He looked straight into my eyes and said, “I have told you before, lay your head on my shoulder, tell me your woes, and I will carry them for you”. “There is a process here far beyond you beloved one”. He continued, “Your beloved daughter is teaching the lineage about the necessity of self love and healthy boundaries, although you are pained, it is the pain of growth and not loss that you suffer”. Damn, I thought, Im so busted! He continued, “unto ever family will come a master that enters to correct the energies of the lineage. That which has always been can no longer serve, and so the lessons of change, difference, Light and blessings come, but first the old skin must be shed. Dear one, if you allow this to be, your beloved daughter will release you of the ties that have bound your heart as well”.

I could feel a lightness rise in my chest. Rather then see the situation as a pained one, I started to see it as a sacred interaction to further strengthen my own journey. Yes, there were many many times I wished I would have inserted healthy boundaries with my own Mother, and Im sure she wished she would have done so in her life as well, yet I and those ancestors before me just kept blindly walking with the habitual set of ideals of how it “should be”, and what is right and “loving” what makes a “good parent”. The most loving thing I could do is step back and bow my head to my daughters sacred journey, to honour her needs,  to embrace these sacred teachings that tried to show me the power of letting go. The mother and daughter I saw giggling over a turkey seemed one way in my wounded mind filled with should and shame when actually I knew nothing about them at all!! Maybe this was the first time they visited in years, maybe their relationship is renewed, and a thousand other possibilities.My wounded mind had an opinion but my higher mind had the answer. So, what did I learn?…..

-What appears as a reality often isn’t, it is often a sacred teacher for a more profound loving experience

-the pain I feel in a given situation or event is often more based in a subconscious wounding then a present moment experience. In other words, feeling sad and blah about not having my daughter here for a special event was not about her, but more about the list of “shoulds” I learnt growing up about what a good mother does, what a good daughter does and about how it needs to be. I realized how Im so ready to let these beliefs go and embrace who I truly am as a mother!

-healthy boundaries, although are powerful essential tools in the conscious world, but are more potent in the internal world. Putting healthy boundaries around my thoughts, feelings, judgements, shoulds, ideals, implanted patterns of behaviour and more are far more potent of a  method of healing then only externalizing my boundaries.

-finally,.. when it hurts too much, when I feel like Im sinking in deep waters, like Im drowning beyond my own capabilities, its time to be still, breathe, call on my God or guides or angels or whatever else is a form of Higher power to me and listen to the still voice from within. Guidance comes when stillness is present. Also, sometimes I just need to realize that what I think is a thought, what I feel is a feeling but what I know will be revealed by being aware of my thoughts and feelings and giving them away to a Higher power (be it a Guide, a run, painting, singing or something creative) for healing to begin.

Blessings and Light

Live as if….

My sincere apologies for the previous email containing this post. Im new to social media and realized that I inserted a photo that was far too large! Live and learn. Here is a copy of the previous post without the photo, hope you enjoy the read – Best wishes, Denise

 

One of the strongest lessons I have learnt along my life path has been the power of integrating into my life the mastery of “Living as If”. No, this is not about positive affirmations, visualizations or even notions similar to the best seller “The Secret”, this is about actually feeling, sensing, speaking, living, knowing, breathing, sleeping, eating, actually being as if my dream has already happened. Affirmations, visualizations, and the teachings of “The Secret” all have their place and are sacred teachings, but if you want to take it up a notch, live at the PhD level of personal growth, then its time to step into the dream and live as if it is already here!

I remember as a young adult I was fascinated with the notion of living by the ocean. I would go to a lake in Manitoba, a beautiful, huge and magnificent lake, I would walk the long sandy beaches visualizing that the lake was actually an ocean, I would hear the waves crashing along the shore and could “smell” the “salt air”, “see” the whales in the distance, “feel” the ocean breeze, all of course in my heart and soul. Eventually I purchased a small little shack of a place at a lakeside community. This little shack was in desperate need of a makeover! The lakeside community was a camper trailer community and allowed a small building to be attached to traditional camper. I snipped and saved every penny I could, bought this little place for $2800 cash and began my process of “Living as If”. I would go up to my little 300 square foot abode, would sleep in the 1970’s camper trailer attached to it, and lived as if I had a beautiful ocean side condo! I painted my little place, decorated it with used furniture, I manicured the lot, created a huge fire pit for hot dog roasting and quiet times. Every time I went out there I repeated over and over to myself, “my beautiful oceanside home”! I made this little shack into a delightful little summer home and truly felt like I had finally found my ocean side home. I was living “As If”.

Every fibre in my body believed that I had an oceanside home, every part of me bathed in the vision and knowing that this was so. I reminded myself that Creator gave me this  home and I receive it joyfully, happily and with gratitude. I didn’t focus on a date, a time, I didn’t want to restrict Creator. I didn’t live in delusion land, I knew that this was a quaint little shack along a prairie lake, but my inner being celebrated the small steps as if I was already embracing the truth of my hearts desire.  I truly believe that Creator knows all my dreams and provides in the perfect time. For 2 years I spent the summers out there and I “lived as if” in my little shed. Fast forward to today, I now live in an ocean side flat, every day I see the ships, whales and seals, I smell the ocean air, I feel the gentle breezes of the Pacific. I had to be willing to accept the adjustments necessary for the gift to be given, I had to be willing to dive in when the opportunity arose I had to be willing to take little steps to strengthen my inner self for the gift that was soon to be given.  It was worth every moment! I hear the fog horns of the ships now from my home and my entire being is filled with gratitude for this incredible gift!

What did I learn?

In order to manifest true, heart based desires, I need to align my mind, my spirit and also my physical self with the dream. I needed to live in the knowing that it is already done, I embraced the present moment as if the dream already manifested, my senses would connect with my environment as if I was already in the magical place of my dream. Every ounce of my being lived as if. Were there challenges? Tons!!! The challenges would come in the form of doubts, back talk from my mind, notions of how stupid this was, financial challenges, and more…but I have a choice as to what I listen to with my mind, I have a choice as to what I feel and how I see my life. Our greatest gift is our imagination, its truly the playing field of the Divine.

If you want to know whats at the end of your rainbow filled dreams, live as if you are already there…Creator will hear and will provide. It may not be exactly as you imagine but it will be an awesome rendition of what you know in your heart! Trust, Live as If, assert your imagination, don’t wait for the outcome, live in the presence of your dream as if it is fully manifested now, give gratitude and celebrate your life!

 

Live as if…

One of the strongest lessons I have learnt along my life path has been the power of integrating into my life the mastery of “Living as If”. No, this is not about positive affirmations, visualizations or even notions similar to the best seller “The Secret”, this is about actually feeling, sensing, speaking, living, knowing, breathing, sleeping, eating, actually being as if my dream has already happened. Affirmations, visualizations, and the teachings of “The Secret” all have their place and are sacred teachings, but if you want to take it up a notch, live at the PhD level of personal growth, then its time to step into the dream and live as if it is already here!

I remember as a young adult I was fascinated with the notion of living by the ocean. I would go to a lake in Manitoba, a beautiful, huge and magnificent lake, I would walk the long sandy beaches visualizing that the lake was actually an ocean, I would hear the waves crashing along the shore and could “smell” the “salt air”, “see” the whales in the distance, “feel” the ocean breeze, all of course in my heart and soul. Eventually I purchased a small little shack of a place at a lakeside community. This little shack was in desperate need of a makeover! The lakeside community was a camper trailer community and allowed a small building to be attached to traditional camper. I snipped and saved every penny I could, bought this little place for $2800 cash and began my process of “Living as If”. I would go up to my little 300 square foot abode, would sleep in the 1970’s camper trailer attached to it, and lived as if I had a beautiful ocean side condo! I painted my little place, decorated it with used furniture, I manicured the lot, created a huge fire pit for hot dog roasting and quiet times. Every time I went out there I repeated over and over to myself, “my beautiful oceanside home”! I made this little shack into a delightful little summer home and truly felt like I had finally found my ocean side home. I was living “As If”.

Every fibre in my body believed that I had an oceanside home, every part of me bathed in the vision and knowing that this was so. I reminded myself that Creator gave me this  home and I receive it joyfully, happily and with gratitude. I didn’t focus on a date, a time, I didn’t want to restrict Creator. I didn’t live in delusion land, I knew that this was a quaint little shack along a prairie lake, but my inner being celebrated the small steps as if I was already embracing the truth of my hearts desire.  I truly believe that Creator knows all my dreams and provides in the perfect time. For 2 years I spent the summers out there and I “lived as if” in my little shed. Fast forward to today, I now live in an ocean side flat, every day I see the ships, whales and seals, I smell the ocean air, I feel the gentle breezes of the Pacific. I had to be willing to accept the adjustments necessary for the gift to be given, I had to be willing to dive in when the opportunity arose I had to be willing to take little steps to strengthen my inner self for the gift that was soon to be given.  It was worth every moment! I hear the fog horns of the ships now from my home and my entire being is filled with gratitude for this incredible gift!

What did I learn?

In order to manifest true, heart based desires, I need to align my mind, my spirit and also my physical self with the dream. I needed to live in the knowing that it is already done, I embraced the present moment as if the dream already manifested, my senses would connect with my environment as if I was already in the magical place of my dream. Every ounce of my being lived as if. Were there challenges? Tons!!! The challenges would come in the form of doubts, back talk from my mind, notions of how stupid this was, financial challenges, and more…but I have a choice as to what I listen to with my mind, I have a choice as to what I feel and how I see my life. Our greatest gift is our imagination, its truly the playing field of the Divine.

If you want to know whats at the end of your rainbow filled dreams, live as if you are already there…Creator will hear and will provide. It may not be exactly as you imagine but it will be an awesome rendition of what you know in your heart! Trust, Live as If, assert your imagination, don’t wait for the outcome, live in the presence of your dream as if it is fully manifested now, give gratitude and celebrate your life!

 

Sacred messengers…

In my previous blog post I shared with readers the profound experience I had with an Eagle just prior to embarking on a ferry ride to my new Island life. This majestic sacred bird brought to me a message of courage, hope and a clear statement of standing in my power. If not for the presence of that Eagle, I do not believe I would have had the courage to keep going on. After the release of my previous blog post many readers asked me to expand on how I connected with the Eagle and received its sacred message. I can only share with you what I have learnt along my life path, but here are my thoughts around the interaction with the Eagle.

Life can press hard, squeeze us and grind us into a fine dust, sometimes in excruciating long term processes, and other times in an instant. These occurrences can cause us to worry about the future, long for the past, and move far away from the guidance found in the present moment. Its so important to return to the present moment, for its in the present moment that messages from our Divine source will unfold to help heal our wounds, empower our sacred path and encourage us with messages of hope and direction.

Returning to the present moment to obtain guidance from sacred messengers requires a relinquishment of the struggle at hand and a reconnect with your body and the  environment that surrounds you. Begin to breathe slower and more deeply, remind yourself that in this moment you ARE alive (thats a huge miracle right there!!), you ARE breathing (theres a gift to behold!), look around and find things that remind you of happiness, things to be grateful for…perhaps its your fur baby, a piece of apple pie on the counter, your beloveds warm inviting eyes. You will begin to feel more in the present moment, becoming more aware of the gift of this moment and the miracle that you are here to enjoy this day. Fill your heart with gratitude for this present moment and all that surrounds you, open your eyes and connect visually to that which surrounds you, listen to sounds in your environment, feel the earth beneath your feet and the sun in the sky. You will begin to feel more in your body and one with your surroundings. Once you feel more present it is time to invoke your guides and sacred messengers for guidance.

Invoking your Higher Power to reveal guidance requires a real and heartfelt conversation with this Divine power. Share with your sacred source the story of what is paining you, ask to be guided, shown, empowered. You may choose to communicate with your higher power either by writing, speaking aloud, conversing with your heart, or simply thinking through your conversation.  It is important to remain in the present moment while sharing with your Higher Source in order to receive your guidance.  Consider going for a walk, a run, or a bike ride, play with your dog, hug your lover, watch a funny movie, beat a punching bag if need be (my fave!), go to the gym, do whatever it takes to keep you present.  Being in the present moment and receiving guidance does not mean you have to go into an official lotus position with the proper mudra, meditate for hours on end, chant or pray or do some sort of “holy” act. Lets get real, Spirit lives within, some call it God, but whatever you call it, it lives within and is well aware of your feelings, thoughts, profanity laden moments of anger and more. BE REAL! Spirit loves things when they are real, passionate and honestly expressed. Being real means that Spirit can look at you and say “hey, theres my dear one, I can see that crusty ole, cussin’, live wire we brought to the earth!” When you are being the real you as best you know yourself to be, when you are in the present moment, when you allow yourself to do what you need to do to be present Spirit can see you, the gifts of sacred messengers become apparent all around you and guidance quickly becomes clear.

In my previous post I shared how I felt torn apart and numb, terrified to board the ferry, to leave my daughter on the mainland, and to move into the next phase of my independent life after being married for over 30 years. I was barely breathing and far from present. I felt enmeshed in fears of the future and pains of the past. I needed help and guidance, and in order to connect with that guidance I needed to be present and real.  So I bought a coffee, took a few deep breaths, focused on my surroundings, observed the smell of the ocean air, the gentle breeze of the Pacific, the smell of my coffee in hand. I shared in a heart filled way (along with a few profanity laden words) with Spirit my fears and anxieties. I made a concerted effort to remain present, aware, awakened.  By being completely in the present I witnessed the Eagle and I could see the actions of the Eagle in a deeper way.  I could witness the sacred messenger before me and I could embrace this beautiful bird’s wise “words” intended to guide me.

What I learnt..

Bring yourself back to the present moment, give gratitude for this moment you have been gifted,  invoke your guides or Higher Power to help you and guide you.  Invoke your guides by being real, upfront, expressive and focused. Stay present by being in your body, aware of your surrounding, even doing something that keeps you here and now. Once you feel more present and have invoked your guides, be aware of sacred messengers and their wise gifts. Sacred messengers can be found in animals, humans, or nature. Trust that your answer will come, stay present, do what gives you joy, be real in your interaction with Spirit, and observe your interactions…an answer and guidance will come!

Blessings and Light

 

The Eagle’s message….

Seven months after the initial onset of the illness had begun I felt physically stronger and ready to take on my life. During those seven months of the illness it became clear to me that I had to restart my life, begin again, so I left my prairie homeland and arrived at a destination along the West Coast of Canada waiting for a ferry headed for my soon to be island home. I arrived at the ferry terminal newly separated after 30 years of marriage and my daughter left home to pursue her dreams. I physically left behind 30 years of memories, photos, collections, family and friends but had a heart full of fond recollections of years past and new founded fears of what lay ahead. While waiting for the ferry I remembered the words my Guide shared with me one evening during my illness. The Guide whispered to me that it was time to move away from where I was and head to an island to experience more of who I am.  I knew this to be true, I could feel it to my core, but I didn’t clearly know what this true life looked like for me…I sure wanted to find out. Over the years, my Guide Nathan, taught me that at some point in life we awaken the desire for more of our true self to be revealed and embraced and that life will unfold a path leading to the expression of the true self. He taught that in order to travel that path we needed to be aware of the clues of love in our life and to be willing to courageously follow those clues.   He also taught that all emotions, all feelings, all that we experience is part of the sacred, authentic path  and are sacred teachers that should not be judged. Well, here I was, embracing my path and I was feeling so depressed, so down hearted, confused, numb and damn good and mad at the Divine as I stood at the ferry terminal waiting for the ferry to take me to my new home. I kept thinking that being my true self meant  I should be more accepting, loving, more grateful for the journey that lead me to this point, after all it was an inspired journey by my Guide Nathan, but in the moments before boarding the ferry I had a “hate” on for the Divine as never before, and felt as if I was being singled out and punished by the Divine.  I now realize that those feelings were authentic, true and real and the gateway to freeing myself..true feelings…true self.

My small little car was packed with the few things I had saved from my previous life, my fuming attitude filled the rest of the car with distrust and fears of the future.  My heart  was torn from the separation of a marriage and the empty nest.  As I pondered my situation I recognized the hauntingly familiar sound of the whistle of an eagle. I looked upwards and there, on a pole at the entranceway to the ferry stood a huge eagle, majestic, strong, powerful. The eagle kept looking at me, twisting his head at an angle that would allow him full view of my car. I stepped out of the car and took in the beauty of this majestic being. I was completely engaged with the beautify of this eagle.  I noticed that this engagement with the eagle created a place where my pain had stopped, the tear in my heart softened, my angry attitude forgotten, all I could think about was the absolute gift of this eagle in front of me, the mesmerizing presence of this winged gate keeper.  I was completely in the present moment, and it was the perfect place to be! Suddenly the eagle dipped its head, spread out its wings and looked as if it was going to dive towards me, I felt a shiver go through my body. Such power, such strength was displayed by this eagle. As the eagle stood there in this pose, I realized he had snapped me even further into the present moment, I was fully, 100% present, and as a result of being so present, my suffering subsided and whatever suffering was left had no power over the moment. Suddenly I was aware that I could smell the salty sea air, feel the heat of the sun on my face, feel my breath in my body, and saw the gift of the life laid out before me. I was alive, and I was living my life, taking a chance and letting go. I was like the eagle, poised for my moment(s), ready to take off into the next phase of my life journey.

What I learnt:  I am absolutely abundantly amazingly authentic in all moments of my life. Sometimes Im authentically messed up, other times Im authentically loving, all aspects of me are authentic and true and I need to experience the real blueprint called me…lumps, bumps, grumbles and more….I am perfection, creation, an intended existence and all experiences are important contributors to the bigger picture of my life.

-I experienced that authenticity (being the true self) is not the same as perfection and often the pursuit of authenticity is actually a mask for seeking perfection. I am perfectly imperfect and authentically flawed and beautiful all at the same time. Authenticity unfolds and is imperfect, perfection demands and is limiting

– Authenticity is present, real, true and always alive and well, it does not need to be sought after but rather it requires a walk in life that reveals, bit by bit, the truest expression of who I am and why I am here. Also, the experience of my true self can change and alter day by day, It is not a destiny but rather a journey.

-The eagle, to me, was a sacred messenger and these messengers are all around all day long. They come in the form of family, friends, fur babies, winged wisdom, the plants, the sky, clouds, waves, the smell of salty air by the ocean and so much more. The eagle taught me to wake up, be in the present moment, and in that present moment awareness teachers, sacred clues and messages will appear so that I can embrace the journey ahead.

I boarded the ferry after thanking the eagle. I felt my wings spread, my eyes wide open, my heart ready to step into my life. I was alive….ALIVE!! This is what being alive was all about, being in the present moment and engaging with Divine sacred teachers, messengers and embracing the journey called life.  I boarded that ferry, confidently and with a renewed strength. I watched as the eagle flew off majestically over the ocean looking for its next student..I bought a latte, and sat on the deck of the ferry enjoying the view.

Blessings and Light

 

 

Let Life Begin….

The journey back to a healthy productive life took me sometime. My greatest obstacle was myself, my greatest challenge was myself, and yet my greatest healing came from understanding myself. I look back on the challenges of that illness and I am so super grateful I ran into the blessing of hitting rock bottom, no, not to bounce back up or however that saying goes, but to scrape along the rocks allowing the process of disassembly to regenerate my life. I did not bounce back up because I hit bottom, I built a foundation made of stone while I dwelled in the lowest place of my life, I used the force of suffering to be the catalyst of freedom. Oh, don’t kid yourself, I went through mounds of tear filled Kleenex, jaw clenching fear, and a pronounced stubborn refusal to change my ways, but I persevered because I wanted to LIVE, not just be alive, no, I wanted to LIVE! Life doesn’t have to hit me so hard anymore for me to adjust my sails and get back on course, I developed an awareness that cannot be denied. Here is what I learnt… Continue reading