Chips and dip….

Today its a rainy day here on the West Coast, and its so so dreary! Normally I would love a walk in the rain, its my favourite thing to do, but today Im sitting like an old lump on a log feeling sorry for myself, why? Its Thanksgiving weekend, everywhere I go its family family family! My family is my daughter, my beautiful sacred rather independent daughter who lives a very long way away from me. My mind highlights the presence of daughters and Mothers everywhere, and when my mind fixates on this, well the landslide begins…”look at that mother and daughter and where is your daughter”, “your all alone”, “you’ll never have that kind of relationship (fixating on a mother and daughter laughing while picking out a turkey)”, on and on and on!! I felt like the world was going to hell and I was on the first flight headed for the journey to the land of darkness (catch the dramatic drift yet lol?)

After a good six hours of hounding my daughter by text, moving into the presumed healing ability of a bag of Lays chips and a large Helva onion dip, crying to a sad song, and hugging my. resistant independent Shitzu, I sat myself down at my desk and decided to connect to my Spirit Guide Nathan. My plan was to give him an earful about how terribly unfair this all is, why oh why me, blah blah blah. One thing Ive learnt about Spirit is that the best laid out plans are usually the farthest from the truth that awaits me. If I think I know it all and take control, I usually end up crashing or messing up, but if I give in to surrender, and I mean truly surrendering my cares and worries to Spirit, then there is space for me to love me and let my life grow. I digress…sorry…anyway, I called upon my Guide Nathan, he immediately entered the sacred space of my meditation. He looked straight into my eyes and said, “I have told you before, lay your head on my shoulder, tell me your woes, and I will carry them for you”. “There is a process here far beyond you beloved one”. He continued, “Your beloved daughter is teaching the lineage about the necessity of self love and healthy boundaries, although you are pained, it is the pain of growth and not loss that you suffer”. Damn, I thought, Im so busted! He continued, “unto ever family will come a master that enters to correct the energies of the lineage. That which has always been can no longer serve, and so the lessons of change, difference, Light and blessings come, but first the old skin must be shed. Dear one, if you allow this to be, your beloved daughter will release you of the ties that have bound your heart as well”.

I could feel a lightness rise in my chest. Rather then see the situation as a pained one, I started to see it as a sacred interaction to further strengthen my own journey. Yes, there were many many times I wished I would have inserted healthy boundaries with my own Mother, and Im sure she wished she would have done so in her life as well, yet I and those ancestors before me just kept blindly walking with the habitual set of ideals of how it “should be”, and what is right and “loving” what makes a “good parent”. The most loving thing I could do is step back and bow my head to my daughters sacred journey, to honour her needs,  to embrace these sacred teachings that tried to show me the power of letting go. The mother and daughter I saw giggling over a turkey seemed one way in my wounded mind filled with should and shame when actually I knew nothing about them at all!! Maybe this was the first time they visited in years, maybe their relationship is renewed, and a thousand other possibilities.My wounded mind had an opinion but my higher mind had the answer. So, what did I learn?…..

-What appears as a reality often isn’t, it is often a sacred teacher for a more profound loving experience

-the pain I feel in a given situation or event is often more based in a subconscious wounding then a present moment experience. In other words, feeling sad and blah about not having my daughter here for a special event was not about her, but more about the list of “shoulds” I learnt growing up about what a good mother does, what a good daughter does and about how it needs to be. I realized how Im so ready to let these beliefs go and embrace who I truly am as a mother!

-healthy boundaries, although are powerful essential tools in the conscious world, but are more potent in the internal world. Putting healthy boundaries around my thoughts, feelings, judgements, shoulds, ideals, implanted patterns of behaviour and more are far more potent of a  method of healing then only externalizing my boundaries.

-finally,.. when it hurts too much, when I feel like Im sinking in deep waters, like Im drowning beyond my own capabilities, its time to be still, breathe, call on my God or guides or angels or whatever else is a form of Higher power to me and listen to the still voice from within. Guidance comes when stillness is present. Also, sometimes I just need to realize that what I think is a thought, what I feel is a feeling but what I know will be revealed by being aware of my thoughts and feelings and giving them away to a Higher power (be it a Guide, a run, painting, singing or something creative) for healing to begin.

Blessings and Light

Live as if….

My sincere apologies for the previous email containing this post. Im new to social media and realized that I inserted a photo that was far too large! Live and learn. Here is a copy of the previous post without the photo, hope you enjoy the read – Best wishes, Denise

 

One of the strongest lessons I have learnt along my life path has been the power of integrating into my life the mastery of “Living as If”. No, this is not about positive affirmations, visualizations or even notions similar to the best seller “The Secret”, this is about actually feeling, sensing, speaking, living, knowing, breathing, sleeping, eating, actually being as if my dream has already happened. Affirmations, visualizations, and the teachings of “The Secret” all have their place and are sacred teachings, but if you want to take it up a notch, live at the PhD level of personal growth, then its time to step into the dream and live as if it is already here!

I remember as a young adult I was fascinated with the notion of living by the ocean. I would go to a lake in Manitoba, a beautiful, huge and magnificent lake, I would walk the long sandy beaches visualizing that the lake was actually an ocean, I would hear the waves crashing along the shore and could “smell” the “salt air”, “see” the whales in the distance, “feel” the ocean breeze, all of course in my heart and soul. Eventually I purchased a small little shack of a place at a lakeside community. This little shack was in desperate need of a makeover! The lakeside community was a camper trailer community and allowed a small building to be attached to traditional camper. I snipped and saved every penny I could, bought this little place for $2800 cash and began my process of “Living as If”. I would go up to my little 300 square foot abode, would sleep in the 1970’s camper trailer attached to it, and lived as if I had a beautiful ocean side condo! I painted my little place, decorated it with used furniture, I manicured the lot, created a huge fire pit for hot dog roasting and quiet times. Every time I went out there I repeated over and over to myself, “my beautiful oceanside home”! I made this little shack into a delightful little summer home and truly felt like I had finally found my ocean side home. I was living “As If”.

Every fibre in my body believed that I had an oceanside home, every part of me bathed in the vision and knowing that this was so. I reminded myself that Creator gave me this  home and I receive it joyfully, happily and with gratitude. I didn’t focus on a date, a time, I didn’t want to restrict Creator. I didn’t live in delusion land, I knew that this was a quaint little shack along a prairie lake, but my inner being celebrated the small steps as if I was already embracing the truth of my hearts desire.  I truly believe that Creator knows all my dreams and provides in the perfect time. For 2 years I spent the summers out there and I “lived as if” in my little shed. Fast forward to today, I now live in an ocean side flat, every day I see the ships, whales and seals, I smell the ocean air, I feel the gentle breezes of the Pacific. I had to be willing to accept the adjustments necessary for the gift to be given, I had to be willing to dive in when the opportunity arose I had to be willing to take little steps to strengthen my inner self for the gift that was soon to be given.  It was worth every moment! I hear the fog horns of the ships now from my home and my entire being is filled with gratitude for this incredible gift!

What did I learn?

In order to manifest true, heart based desires, I need to align my mind, my spirit and also my physical self with the dream. I needed to live in the knowing that it is already done, I embraced the present moment as if the dream already manifested, my senses would connect with my environment as if I was already in the magical place of my dream. Every ounce of my being lived as if. Were there challenges? Tons!!! The challenges would come in the form of doubts, back talk from my mind, notions of how stupid this was, financial challenges, and more…but I have a choice as to what I listen to with my mind, I have a choice as to what I feel and how I see my life. Our greatest gift is our imagination, its truly the playing field of the Divine.

If you want to know whats at the end of your rainbow filled dreams, live as if you are already there…Creator will hear and will provide. It may not be exactly as you imagine but it will be an awesome rendition of what you know in your heart! Trust, Live as If, assert your imagination, don’t wait for the outcome, live in the presence of your dream as if it is fully manifested now, give gratitude and celebrate your life!

 

Live as if…

One of the strongest lessons I have learnt along my life path has been the power of integrating into my life the mastery of “Living as If”. No, this is not about positive affirmations, visualizations or even notions similar to the best seller “The Secret”, this is about actually feeling, sensing, speaking, living, knowing, breathing, sleeping, eating, actually being as if my dream has already happened. Affirmations, visualizations, and the teachings of “The Secret” all have their place and are sacred teachings, but if you want to take it up a notch, live at the PhD level of personal growth, then its time to step into the dream and live as if it is already here!

I remember as a young adult I was fascinated with the notion of living by the ocean. I would go to a lake in Manitoba, a beautiful, huge and magnificent lake, I would walk the long sandy beaches visualizing that the lake was actually an ocean, I would hear the waves crashing along the shore and could “smell” the “salt air”, “see” the whales in the distance, “feel” the ocean breeze, all of course in my heart and soul. Eventually I purchased a small little shack of a place at a lakeside community. This little shack was in desperate need of a makeover! The lakeside community was a camper trailer community and allowed a small building to be attached to traditional camper. I snipped and saved every penny I could, bought this little place for $2800 cash and began my process of “Living as If”. I would go up to my little 300 square foot abode, would sleep in the 1970’s camper trailer attached to it, and lived as if I had a beautiful ocean side condo! I painted my little place, decorated it with used furniture, I manicured the lot, created a huge fire pit for hot dog roasting and quiet times. Every time I went out there I repeated over and over to myself, “my beautiful oceanside home”! I made this little shack into a delightful little summer home and truly felt like I had finally found my ocean side home. I was living “As If”.

Every fibre in my body believed that I had an oceanside home, every part of me bathed in the vision and knowing that this was so. I reminded myself that Creator gave me this  home and I receive it joyfully, happily and with gratitude. I didn’t focus on a date, a time, I didn’t want to restrict Creator. I didn’t live in delusion land, I knew that this was a quaint little shack along a prairie lake, but my inner being celebrated the small steps as if I was already embracing the truth of my hearts desire.  I truly believe that Creator knows all my dreams and provides in the perfect time. For 2 years I spent the summers out there and I “lived as if” in my little shed. Fast forward to today, I now live in an ocean side flat, every day I see the ships, whales and seals, I smell the ocean air, I feel the gentle breezes of the Pacific. I had to be willing to accept the adjustments necessary for the gift to be given, I had to be willing to dive in when the opportunity arose I had to be willing to take little steps to strengthen my inner self for the gift that was soon to be given.  It was worth every moment! I hear the fog horns of the ships now from my home and my entire being is filled with gratitude for this incredible gift!

What did I learn?

In order to manifest true, heart based desires, I need to align my mind, my spirit and also my physical self with the dream. I needed to live in the knowing that it is already done, I embraced the present moment as if the dream already manifested, my senses would connect with my environment as if I was already in the magical place of my dream. Every ounce of my being lived as if. Were there challenges? Tons!!! The challenges would come in the form of doubts, back talk from my mind, notions of how stupid this was, financial challenges, and more…but I have a choice as to what I listen to with my mind, I have a choice as to what I feel and how I see my life. Our greatest gift is our imagination, its truly the playing field of the Divine.

If you want to know whats at the end of your rainbow filled dreams, live as if you are already there…Creator will hear and will provide. It may not be exactly as you imagine but it will be an awesome rendition of what you know in your heart! Trust, Live as If, assert your imagination, don’t wait for the outcome, live in the presence of your dream as if it is fully manifested now, give gratitude and celebrate your life!

 

Sacred messengers…

In my previous blog post I shared with readers the profound experience I had with an Eagle just prior to embarking on a ferry ride to my new Island life. This majestic sacred bird brought to me a message of courage, hope and a clear statement of standing in my power. If not for the presence of that Eagle, I do not believe I would have had the courage to keep going on. After the release of my previous blog post many readers asked me to expand on how I connected with the Eagle and received its sacred message. I can only share with you what I have learnt along my life path, but here are my thoughts around the interaction with the Eagle.

Life can press hard, squeeze us and grind us into a fine dust, sometimes in excruciating long term processes, and other times in an instant. These occurrences can cause us to worry about the future, long for the past, and move far away from the guidance found in the present moment. Its so important to return to the present moment, for its in the present moment that messages from our Divine source will unfold to help heal our wounds, empower our sacred path and encourage us with messages of hope and direction.

Returning to the present moment to obtain guidance from sacred messengers requires a relinquishment of the struggle at hand and a reconnect with your body and the  environment that surrounds you. Begin to breathe slower and more deeply, remind yourself that in this moment you ARE alive (thats a huge miracle right there!!), you ARE breathing (theres a gift to behold!), look around and find things that remind you of happiness, things to be grateful for…perhaps its your fur baby, a piece of apple pie on the counter, your beloveds warm inviting eyes. You will begin to feel more in the present moment, becoming more aware of the gift of this moment and the miracle that you are here to enjoy this day. Fill your heart with gratitude for this present moment and all that surrounds you, open your eyes and connect visually to that which surrounds you, listen to sounds in your environment, feel the earth beneath your feet and the sun in the sky. You will begin to feel more in your body and one with your surroundings. Once you feel more present it is time to invoke your guides and sacred messengers for guidance.

Invoking your Higher Power to reveal guidance requires a real and heartfelt conversation with this Divine power. Share with your sacred source the story of what is paining you, ask to be guided, shown, empowered. You may choose to communicate with your higher power either by writing, speaking aloud, conversing with your heart, or simply thinking through your conversation.  It is important to remain in the present moment while sharing with your Higher Source in order to receive your guidance.  Consider going for a walk, a run, or a bike ride, play with your dog, hug your lover, watch a funny movie, beat a punching bag if need be (my fave!), go to the gym, do whatever it takes to keep you present.  Being in the present moment and receiving guidance does not mean you have to go into an official lotus position with the proper mudra, meditate for hours on end, chant or pray or do some sort of “holy” act. Lets get real, Spirit lives within, some call it God, but whatever you call it, it lives within and is well aware of your feelings, thoughts, profanity laden moments of anger and more. BE REAL! Spirit loves things when they are real, passionate and honestly expressed. Being real means that Spirit can look at you and say “hey, theres my dear one, I can see that crusty ole, cussin’, live wire we brought to the earth!” When you are being the real you as best you know yourself to be, when you are in the present moment, when you allow yourself to do what you need to do to be present Spirit can see you, the gifts of sacred messengers become apparent all around you and guidance quickly becomes clear.

In my previous post I shared how I felt torn apart and numb, terrified to board the ferry, to leave my daughter on the mainland, and to move into the next phase of my independent life after being married for over 30 years. I was barely breathing and far from present. I felt enmeshed in fears of the future and pains of the past. I needed help and guidance, and in order to connect with that guidance I needed to be present and real.  So I bought a coffee, took a few deep breaths, focused on my surroundings, observed the smell of the ocean air, the gentle breeze of the Pacific, the smell of my coffee in hand. I shared in a heart filled way (along with a few profanity laden words) with Spirit my fears and anxieties. I made a concerted effort to remain present, aware, awakened.  By being completely in the present I witnessed the Eagle and I could see the actions of the Eagle in a deeper way.  I could witness the sacred messenger before me and I could embrace this beautiful bird’s wise “words” intended to guide me.

What I learnt..

Bring yourself back to the present moment, give gratitude for this moment you have been gifted,  invoke your guides or Higher Power to help you and guide you.  Invoke your guides by being real, upfront, expressive and focused. Stay present by being in your body, aware of your surrounding, even doing something that keeps you here and now. Once you feel more present and have invoked your guides, be aware of sacred messengers and their wise gifts. Sacred messengers can be found in animals, humans, or nature. Trust that your answer will come, stay present, do what gives you joy, be real in your interaction with Spirit, and observe your interactions…an answer and guidance will come!

Blessings and Light

 

The Eagle’s message….

Seven months after the initial onset of the illness had begun I felt physically stronger and ready to take on my life. During those seven months of the illness it became clear to me that I had to restart my life, begin again, so I left my prairie homeland and arrived at a destination along the West Coast of Canada waiting for a ferry headed for my soon to be island home. I arrived at the ferry terminal newly separated after 30 years of marriage and my daughter left home to pursue her dreams. I physically left behind 30 years of memories, photos, collections, family and friends but had a heart full of fond recollections of years past and new founded fears of what lay ahead. While waiting for the ferry I remembered the words my Guide shared with me one evening during my illness. The Guide whispered to me that it was time to move away from where I was and head to an island to experience more of who I am.  I knew this to be true, I could feel it to my core, but I didn’t clearly know what this true life looked like for me…I sure wanted to find out. Over the years, my Guide Nathan, taught me that at some point in life we awaken the desire for more of our true self to be revealed and embraced and that life will unfold a path leading to the expression of the true self. He taught that in order to travel that path we needed to be aware of the clues of love in our life and to be willing to courageously follow those clues.   He also taught that all emotions, all feelings, all that we experience is part of the sacred, authentic path  and are sacred teachers that should not be judged. Well, here I was, embracing my path and I was feeling so depressed, so down hearted, confused, numb and damn good and mad at the Divine as I stood at the ferry terminal waiting for the ferry to take me to my new home. I kept thinking that being my true self meant  I should be more accepting, loving, more grateful for the journey that lead me to this point, after all it was an inspired journey by my Guide Nathan, but in the moments before boarding the ferry I had a “hate” on for the Divine as never before, and felt as if I was being singled out and punished by the Divine.  I now realize that those feelings were authentic, true and real and the gateway to freeing myself..true feelings…true self.

My small little car was packed with the few things I had saved from my previous life, my fuming attitude filled the rest of the car with distrust and fears of the future.  My heart  was torn from the separation of a marriage and the empty nest.  As I pondered my situation I recognized the hauntingly familiar sound of the whistle of an eagle. I looked upwards and there, on a pole at the entranceway to the ferry stood a huge eagle, majestic, strong, powerful. The eagle kept looking at me, twisting his head at an angle that would allow him full view of my car. I stepped out of the car and took in the beauty of this majestic being. I was completely engaged with the beautify of this eagle.  I noticed that this engagement with the eagle created a place where my pain had stopped, the tear in my heart softened, my angry attitude forgotten, all I could think about was the absolute gift of this eagle in front of me, the mesmerizing presence of this winged gate keeper.  I was completely in the present moment, and it was the perfect place to be! Suddenly the eagle dipped its head, spread out its wings and looked as if it was going to dive towards me, I felt a shiver go through my body. Such power, such strength was displayed by this eagle. As the eagle stood there in this pose, I realized he had snapped me even further into the present moment, I was fully, 100% present, and as a result of being so present, my suffering subsided and whatever suffering was left had no power over the moment. Suddenly I was aware that I could smell the salty sea air, feel the heat of the sun on my face, feel my breath in my body, and saw the gift of the life laid out before me. I was alive, and I was living my life, taking a chance and letting go. I was like the eagle, poised for my moment(s), ready to take off into the next phase of my life journey.

What I learnt:  I am absolutely abundantly amazingly authentic in all moments of my life. Sometimes Im authentically messed up, other times Im authentically loving, all aspects of me are authentic and true and I need to experience the real blueprint called me…lumps, bumps, grumbles and more….I am perfection, creation, an intended existence and all experiences are important contributors to the bigger picture of my life.

-I experienced that authenticity (being the true self) is not the same as perfection and often the pursuit of authenticity is actually a mask for seeking perfection. I am perfectly imperfect and authentically flawed and beautiful all at the same time. Authenticity unfolds and is imperfect, perfection demands and is limiting

– Authenticity is present, real, true and always alive and well, it does not need to be sought after but rather it requires a walk in life that reveals, bit by bit, the truest expression of who I am and why I am here. Also, the experience of my true self can change and alter day by day, It is not a destiny but rather a journey.

-The eagle, to me, was a sacred messenger and these messengers are all around all day long. They come in the form of family, friends, fur babies, winged wisdom, the plants, the sky, clouds, waves, the smell of salty air by the ocean and so much more. The eagle taught me to wake up, be in the present moment, and in that present moment awareness teachers, sacred clues and messages will appear so that I can embrace the journey ahead.

I boarded the ferry after thanking the eagle. I felt my wings spread, my eyes wide open, my heart ready to step into my life. I was alive….ALIVE!! This is what being alive was all about, being in the present moment and engaging with Divine sacred teachers, messengers and embracing the journey called life.  I boarded that ferry, confidently and with a renewed strength. I watched as the eagle flew off majestically over the ocean looking for its next student..I bought a latte, and sat on the deck of the ferry enjoying the view.

Blessings and Light

 

 

Let Life Begin….

The journey back to a healthy productive life took me sometime. My greatest obstacle was myself, my greatest challenge was myself, and yet my greatest healing came from understanding myself. I look back on the challenges of that illness and I am so super grateful I ran into the blessing of hitting rock bottom, no, not to bounce back up or however that saying goes, but to scrape along the rocks allowing the process of disassembly to regenerate my life. I did not bounce back up because I hit bottom, I built a foundation made of stone while I dwelled in the lowest place of my life, I used the force of suffering to be the catalyst of freedom. Oh, don’t kid yourself, I went through mounds of tear filled Kleenex, jaw clenching fear, and a pronounced stubborn refusal to change my ways, but I persevered because I wanted to LIVE, not just be alive, no, I wanted to LIVE! Life doesn’t have to hit me so hard anymore for me to adjust my sails and get back on course, I developed an awareness that cannot be denied. Here is what I learnt… Continue reading

Surrendering to the plan…

body-bg.jpgSurrender, not my favourite topic, in fact I never really ever wanted to look at a plan other then the one I had maticulously massaged out of my own head. What is surrender anyway,? Do I need to hand over everything to the unknown, to trust, to just wander around waiting or “God” or whatever it is to show up and make everything better?! Surrender to me was a fancy name for doormat behaviour, or a state of limbo, very very painful pauses where action could be more productive. I tended to be more of what is termed a type “A” personality, so of course do do do was the top of my list every day. Even while I was sick, barely able to be out of bed for more then an hour at a time, I would do my duties as a mother, as a business owner, as a daughter…imagine that, standing at a sink doing dishes while my legs shook and could barely hold me upright, stubborn determined control so habitual it felt as natural as breathing and as important as my own life. I had a lot to learn. Continue reading

Is it my Guide or is it me?

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continuation from the previous post, Check Mate….

I decided it was time to take on this illness that had tackled my life…daily meditations, journaling, eating a very pure diet consisting of the finest organic veggies and meat. Every morning I would take a handful of vitamins and of course the meds my doctor prescribed for me. These pharmaceuticals are useless bloody things I thought, but I will take the prescription just to be sure I covered all ground. My Doctor ordered my medication to be taken 6 times a day at the exact same time every day, my every waking hour was fully absorbed in healing. My heart rate remained very high therefore making my metabolism ultra quick, I was absolutely starving all the time and would burn through my food so fast that it seemed like I was eating several times an hour yet I continued to loose a lot more weight. I was giving this healing journey my all, yet I was not improving.

I became very frustrated, anger rose inside of me, I was very used to winning physical battles, after all I had just retired from a very successful career as a sought after homeopathic doctor and during that career I was able to help hundreds and hundreds of people heal their health issues. Ah yes indeed,..  humbled yet again. In frustration, I stood in the middle of my living room and yelled out loud to my guides, “where are you, I can’t hear you, help me”! immediately a voice from deep within my heart spoke ever so softly and said, “Im right here, but you can’t hear me over your own demanding voice”. “Im listening damn it!! I yelled back. ” I’m doing everything I know how to do” I said. “Yes, ’tis true,” said the voice from within, ” you are, doing everything YOU know how to do but you are not doing what our guidance is telling you”. I suddenly felt super weak and proceeded to sit on the floor feeling defeated but yet noticed a flicker of fight existing somewhere deep inside. I thought about what my beloved Guide had just shared with me, and realized that I was following my knowing mind but not my guided intuitive mind.

What I learnt….

What I thought was guidance was actually a recall of the familiar, that which I innately and educationally knew. I was so used to being in control, so used to being in charge that I immediately went to the familiar and did not make room for the unfamiliar. I remembered the instructions of my Guide asking me to be authentic to my Guides first and then to the world, to be present in this one moment I have right now, to surrender. I was in no way surrendered but was in full blown control mode. My career as an Intuitive, spanning over almost 2 decades taught me clearly how to decipher guidance from the ego self yet in this personal instance I avoided what I knew was sacred guidance because I was keenly aware and very afraid of how things were going to change and what my life would look like after all the healing had taken place. I choose my familiar habits and mindset over Guidance.

I have provided Intuitive Readings for over almost 6000 worldwide, and every time I engage with Sacred Guidance it comes forth as a silent whisper that encourages present moment awareness.  It is a word or two, maybe a sentence if you are lucky that points a finger in a direction, and often tells you something that is way out of your box.  It is that still small voice that can rattle you yet console you at the same time. Guidance is an energy, a presence, it does not necessarily only come forth as a voice, it can show up as wisdom shared by another earth traveller (human, animal or plants), a sign you see on the road, a song.  The modality for communication of guidance can vary and is as unique as our own fingerprint.  We each have our own way of receiving and interpreting guidance yet there is one consistent pattern almost always present when guidance is sought, and that is if what I am “hearing” as guidance has a full out ready to go plan, knows the outcome, is a loud cheerleader, a persistent dominant voice advocating a certain pathway that is filled with hauntingly familiar solutions, then this is the shadowed self, the ego directing the show, this is not guidance. Guidance is a gentle advocate, one the presents a perspective that may be familiar yet is often a perspective that would not be considered due to the challenge or vulnerability at hand.  Guidance usually will give a big vision glance but then reverts to present moment promptings and challenges. It is brief, slight, gentle, at times persistent, pesky but always in a subtle way.

This week….

Allow yourself to observe rants and raves of what you should do, how you should be that echo within your heart. When these rants and raves begin they are far different from a creative flurry, they present as almost overbearing planning sessions and directives that start flying around inside your mind. Do not negate these thoughts or deaden their voice, let it swirl, observe, stay in the present moment, but remain as an observer, even nodding your head or acknowledging the “wisdom” as if you can see what this voice means and says. At this point you are merely listening but choose to not be obedient to the voice, its as if it is background sound.  Remember, negating this voice will only make it louder later. If this voice persists, allow yourself to drift into the present moment, pulling away from the voice by occupying yourself in the here and now.  You can become more present simply by observing your breath, a walk in nature, cooking a meal, go for a run, ride a bike but be here now. Notice how the persistent voice starts to weakens with your present moment activity. Eventually while you are in the present moment a whisper will break through, it will be quick, sometimes pointed, but it will peak through. When you hear the whisper, thank your Guide for pointing a finger in the direction you need. Begin to journal, follow or create what is given to you. At this point you can add in your own flavour, your own creativity and expand upon the idea given. Now your creative process of interacting with Guidance has begun. Ask the questions you wish to seek answers for, interact with your Guide and listen, surrender and have faith in your ability to embrace your life.

Next week… Surrendering to the plan.

Blessings and Light!

 

 

 

Check mate…

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continuation from the previous post, Awakening…

I lay in bed acutely aware of the pounding of my heart alerting me to the fragility of my life.  My thoughts race, I am desperately searching for hope.  I am so young so vibrant with so much to offer, so many memories yet to make, so many precious moments to explore and yet my heart is tiring and fragile as it struggles against the on slot of thyroid hormones. I am too weak to fight, too weary to fix this, and too tired to try.  For the first time in my adult life I am completely surrendered physically, emotionally and spiritually. I realize that if my body is to heal it will require the unleashing of my authentic self.  How do I know this? How do I know my healing will not be as simple as taking meds and changing my diet?  My life experience as a holistic practitioner has taught me that in most instances healing requires attention to the body mind and Spirit. My holistic training taught me that the throat chakra, where the thyroid is located, is the energetic centre for speaking my own truth and revealing my authentic self. This chakra was screaming for attention and could no longer be dismissed or delayed. I was not surprised that my throat chakra was burning out, I had spent most of my life hidden under the radar from family, friends and associates with regards to the true me. No, I was not living a lie or being deceitful, I was afraid, actually terrified of the potential losses I would face if I would fully be me in the world. I had developed ways to cope with my fears and bury my dreams and hopes …I overworked, over committed, under cared for myself, and became everyones everything. The gig was up, if I wanted to live I couldn’t hide anymore.

While lying in bed I felt the desire to meditate.  During my meditation the words “Check mate” echoed over and over in my head with the familiar sound of my Guide’s voice. “Check mate dear one, we have placed you flat in bed to free you of your gated communities”.  Gated communities? I had no idea what this meant! With some trepidation I asked “Beloved Guide, what do you mean by gated community?” A compassionate voice answered “the community of illusions you have locked yourself so safely in… your roles, your self imposed limitations, the denial of your gift, the silencing of your blessed journey all for the illusionary sake of love, acceptance and the desperate search for approval”.  Once again my guide was right, correct, and undeniably accurate. “Beloved guide” my voice trembling with fear, ” how can I heal this, I don’t want to die, I want to live, to LIVE!!” My guide whispered to me, “Ah dear one,  follow our prompts, be in the present moment, be willing to reveal your truths to us first, then to the world, this is all we ask”. I immediately agreed, “okay, I’m in, you got me, check mate, I give!” I was ready, there was no bloody way I was leaving my life, my world, my family, no bloody way whatsoever! Whatever the price, whatever the pain, I was willing to traverse the path back to me.  I concluded my meditation, arose from my bed and headed over to a comfortable chair. I took a few deep breaths, began to journal and embrace the wisdom that my beloved guide shared with me. Let the healing begin!

What did I learn?  Sacred communication with guidance will Light the pathway to healing and awaken the will to thrive even in the most challenged situation. Slowing down enough to hear, being surrendered enough to listen, being willing to awaken are a potent combination for healing and revealing inner truths. Also, a declared intention is like signing a sacred contract with a Guide thus requiring me to trust, have faith and the courage to walk outside my “gated community”.

Practical applications for my healing path .. I invoked my guides daily to let them know that I was surrendered and willing to walk my healing path with them (see meditation below). I Stayed in the present moment as much as possible and when swayed by thoughts of fears or old habits I would bring myself back to the present moment by noting events and objects in my surroundings. I kept a journal and began writing my daily intentions for all three areas of my life (body, mind, Spirit). I visualized daily my ultimate life…who would I be, how would I love, my finances, my Work, my family, I would play in my mind and unleash all restrictions and denials. My mind became my playground for healing.

Meditation for seeking guidance…

Sitting comfortably, breathe slowly, following each breath in and out,  calm your body, calm your mind. Feet planted on the floor, hands gently placed on your lap, palms down, listen to/ follow your breath, in and out, in and out. Once relaxed, on an out breath, invoke your guide. “Beloved Guide I am yours, completely surrendered”.  I repeat this mantra several times on an out breath. My intention is for the guides to Work through me and speak my truths in a way I can see and understand. After invoking your guide and while still sitting, visualize / feel an energy or Light moving up from the ground, slowly moving up the legs, meeting in the pelvis, moving upward through the centre of the body, up through the crown of the head in a fountain form. Allow this fountain of Light to be present for a few breaths, then bring the fountain back down through the crown chakra, all the way down through the body, out the soles of the feet and into the earth. Practice this meditation daily.

My next post, “Is it you or is it me!!”, will be focused on deciphering guidance from the mind.

 

 

The Awakening

Awakening from my Silence…

“There comes a time when silence is betrayal” – Martin Luther King

During a recent meditation, my guide, Nathan taught me that “all beings are completely authentic, beautifully authentic, but authenticity becomes silenced and invisible through the ever present betrayals (denial) of the individual’s truth”. He continued to share that “authenticity is not a sought after goal, but through a process of Unfoldment, the authentic self will reveal its truest expression”. Nathan’s wisdom continued…  “Unfoldment is a present moment process, a courageous release of that which no longer serves thus revealing that which is essential to the Divine plan”.  Nathan also reminded me “the path to authenticity requires one to be acutely  aware in the present moment. This present moment awareness will bring to light the gentle promptings of Spirits call”. After my meditation, I reflected on Nathan’s teaching and how it played out in my journey of the past four years…a journey that was filled with realizations of where and when I silenced my authenticity and betrayed my sacred  path, a journey that lead me back to my authentic self. Upon further reflection I realized that the trials I walked through over those four years are sacred teachers, and worthy of sharing. My blog posts for 2018 will be dedicated to exploring my sacred four year journey of silence and  betrayal, renewal, and authenticity. My  posts will be vulnerable, raw and real. My hope is that by sharing my story a ray of light, hope and vision for your path will unfold.

The silent betrayal .. 

Four years ago I noticed a fine tremor in my legs, a generalized weakness and a feeling of exhaustion that I simply could not ignore. My life at that time was filled with roles, responsibilities, duties, and a vast array of this and that’s which fully occupied my every waking hour. I had love all around me yet I was empty, I had a thriving career as an intuitive with clients all around the world, but my body began fighting me and shutting down my ability to do my work. Every day I become more and more physically and emotionally weak. The tremors in my legs became more pronounced and coping with day to day stressors began to fall to the wayside in favor of immobility, exhaustion and a sense of dread…”why is my body betraying me!” I would ask.  Months had past, it became painfully evident that It was time to see the doctor and figure this all out, Admitting that I needed help, that I was completely confused as to what was happening was a very humbling experience, after all, I am an intuitive, a doctor of holistic medicine and former NICU RN, I should be able to heal this..or so I thought. During this time of physical trial, I would meditate, and my guide Nathan would stand before me, his hand outstretched, eyes gleaming like beacons of  Light, his words ever so gentle “trust me, reach out to me, rest dear one, I will guide you, comfort you, trust me”. I thought “Trust!! Are you kidding me!!” I am fiercely independent and rather stubborn! I silenced Nathan’s words by embracing my habitual coping mechanisms. My body continued to betray the demands I so stubbornly placed upon it, the situation worsened.

“You have a critical situation” said my physician. The blood results revealed that my thyroid was in such a hyper state that my body was literally going at warp speed, soon to burn out. “You will be in full heart failure within a week if you don’t do something now, your thyroid is critical, severely hyper” said my doctor. I could feel the blood draining from my face as he announced my fate. I was powerless, my body in severe danger. Several weeks had passed since my first tremors, I already lost over 38 pounds, my hair thinned substantially, my eyes appeared to be bulgy, I could not walk without assistance, and my heart raced between 98-120 beats per minute all day long. I was now face to face with the reality of my body saying clearly to my Spirit, “Wisen up babe, or we’re outta here”!  My body drew a clear line in the sand, change or be changed. The doctor proceeded to give me medication and said I would be on these meds for a lifetime. The doctor didn’t know if my hair would grow back to its usual thick mane, he didn’t know if I had sustained permanent muscle damage from the on slot of hormones, the future was unknown but the present was screaming loud and clear. This may not sound like a big deal to some, but to i, a doctor of natural medicine, it was humbling.The only healing path before me was pure and utter surrender, submission to the truth that I needed help, bigtime, and only the allopathic medicine would help. The plan before me…three to four weeks of bed rest, dietary restrictions, medical check ups and more. I felt as though God had me in a headlock and was asking me to say “I give I give, I’m yours!” My life as I knew it was about to change significantly, either I would stop betraying my Soul and submit to the journey of authenticity or I would visit my room on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge…checkmate! My body was exhausted from the push and shove of fulfilling all the obligations, roles, expectations and self induced perfections that I imposed on myself. My Spirit was saying it is time now to meet who you know yourself to be…time out, check mate, no way out! People often ask, how did I know that this wasn’t just a medical event, an imbalanced thyroid, a toxic situation, how did I know that there was a deeper meaning to the illness? My only answer is that after working for 28 years in regular and complimentary medicine, after 18 years of intuitive work, one thing I learnt for sure is that the body will absolutely send a message when Spirit has been denied. No, I didn’t cause the sickness because I wasn’t being me, that’s so new age and also I’m not so powerful! I did however silence my voice, my desires, my truths, my inner me for a very long time, and finally my voice became tired of being denied and sent me a message the only way I would hear…through the body. Sickness is a messanger, not a lesson to teach you how bad you were, what you did wrong, but a sacred messanger with Light filled guidance waiting to unfold.

I returned home after the doctors appointment, sat on my sofa and sobbed, buckets and barrels of tears that came from a place deep inside me that I didn’t even know existed. My inner me had been silent for so long, I was so bound up in responsibilities, have to’s, roles that the authentic me became completely buried and forgotten. My tears felt like a huge release and relief, I missed them, I had forgotten their power and healing ability. My tears brought forth compassionate love for my life and revealed to me that I allowed myself to be defined by the words of others and forgot my own inner self.  I was so used to stretching my hand out to the outer world for help, admiration and love verses holding my hands over my chest in prayer, insight and surrender.  I denied the voice of the authentic me, numb to the reality of my existence and the inner longing to live, thrive and expres my Light in its full potential. After much prayer (and a whole lotta Kleenex!) I landed on my knees, not in a dramatic way, but in a fully surrendered way and said clearly to my God, my guides and my ancestors…”I am here, fully humbled, make me as you intended, help keep me out of your way, I want to LIVE!”  I want to LIVE, not just be alive, but LIVE!!  As I struggled to get up from my knees, I sensed a peaceful silence in the room, the energy around me became still, my body stopped trembling, my legs still for the first time in weeks. I wanted to sleep, to lye in the energy of my beloved guides of whom I could sense were nearby. I wanted to open myself to my guides and hear their whisped reminders of the truths I had forgotten. It was time to journey back to the authentic me. I remembered Nathan’s words that encouraged me to be in this sacred space of peace…I finally arrived, nestled in his sacred embrace, silent, peaceful and damn scary all at once.

What did I learn….

Silencing my authentic expression created a place where fears hung out, where excuses dominated, a place where it became easier to be with the familiar then to reveal my authentic self. Silence, or in other words, betraying my own self expression created a satisfying feeling of becoming numb and afraid, comfortable and habitual. Betrayal is such a harsh word (I find), yet, as my body betrayed me I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude for my life.  I was about to experience the greatest gift from my beloved guides,.. a knock upside the head, a kick in the ass, an opportunity to realign with my authentic self. The perceived betrayal by the body became my pathway to LIght, to finding Love, to revealing the full unedited version of me. My self induced silencing of the truth of me became a betrayal of my God given journey, yet evolved into a sacred, blessed teacher. 

These are very vulnerable, real and sometimes painful (often comical ) posts, but I truly believe that every test can become a testimony, a vehicle of Light to share with another. Perhaps you will see yourself in these posts, not identical but hauntingly familiar, let us walk together, in healing, in Love. In my next post, I will share with you how my guides, my ancestors, my Sacred Counsel assisted me, and how betrayal became the Lighted Pathway to my highest self.

Blessings and Light