continuation from the previous post, Awakening…
I lay in bed acutely aware of the pounding of my heart alerting me to the fragility of my life. My thoughts race, I am desperately searching for hope. I am so young so vibrant with so much to offer, so many memories yet to make, so many precious moments to explore and yet my heart is tiring and fragile as it struggles against the on slot of thyroid hormones. I am too weak to fight, too weary to fix this, and too tired to try. For the first time in my adult life I am completely surrendered physically, emotionally and spiritually. I realize that if my body is to heal it will require the unleashing of my authentic self. How do I know this? How do I know my healing will not be as simple as taking meds and changing my diet? My life experience as a holistic practitioner has taught me that in most instances healing requires attention to the body mind and Spirit. My holistic training taught me that the throat chakra, where the thyroid is located, is the energetic centre for speaking my own truth and revealing my authentic self. This chakra was screaming for attention and could no longer be dismissed or delayed. I was not surprised that my throat chakra was burning out, I had spent most of my life hidden under the radar from family, friends and associates with regards to the true me. No, I was not living a lie or being deceitful, I was afraid, actually terrified of the potential losses I would face if I would fully be me in the world. I had developed ways to cope with my fears and bury my dreams and hopes …I overworked, over committed, under cared for myself, and became everyones everything. The gig was up, if I wanted to live I couldn’t hide anymore.
While lying in bed I felt the desire to meditate. During my meditation the words “Check mate” echoed over and over in my head with the familiar sound of my Guide’s voice. “Check mate dear one, we have placed you flat in bed to free you of your gated communities”. Gated communities? I had no idea what this meant! With some trepidation I asked “Beloved Guide, what do you mean by gated community?” A compassionate voice answered “the community of illusions you have locked yourself so safely in… your roles, your self imposed limitations, the denial of your gift, the silencing of your blessed journey all for the illusionary sake of love, acceptance and the desperate search for approval”. Once again my guide was right, correct, and undeniably accurate. “Beloved guide” my voice trembling with fear, ” how can I heal this, I don’t want to die, I want to live, to LIVE!!” My guide whispered to me, “Ah dear one, follow our prompts, be in the present moment, be willing to reveal your truths to us first, then to the world, this is all we ask”. I immediately agreed, “okay, I’m in, you got me, check mate, I give!” I was ready, there was no bloody way I was leaving my life, my world, my family, no bloody way whatsoever! Whatever the price, whatever the pain, I was willing to traverse the path back to me. I concluded my meditation, arose from my bed and headed over to a comfortable chair. I took a few deep breaths, began to journal and embrace the wisdom that my beloved guide shared with me. Let the healing begin!
What did I learn? Sacred communication with guidance will Light the pathway to healing and awaken the will to thrive even in the most challenged situation. Slowing down enough to hear, being surrendered enough to listen, being willing to awaken are a potent combination for healing and revealing inner truths. Also, a declared intention is like signing a sacred contract with a Guide thus requiring me to trust, have faith and the courage to walk outside my “gated community”.
Practical applications for my healing path .. I invoked my guides daily to let them know that I was surrendered and willing to walk my healing path with them (see meditation below). I Stayed in the present moment as much as possible and when swayed by thoughts of fears or old habits I would bring myself back to the present moment by noting events and objects in my surroundings. I kept a journal and began writing my daily intentions for all three areas of my life (body, mind, Spirit). I visualized daily my ultimate life…who would I be, how would I love, my finances, my Work, my family, I would play in my mind and unleash all restrictions and denials. My mind became my playground for healing.
Meditation for seeking guidance…
Sitting comfortably, breathe slowly, following each breath in and out, calm your body, calm your mind. Feet planted on the floor, hands gently placed on your lap, palms down, listen to/ follow your breath, in and out, in and out. Once relaxed, on an out breath, invoke your guide. “Beloved Guide I am yours, completely surrendered”. I repeat this mantra several times on an out breath. My intention is for the guides to Work through me and speak my truths in a way I can see and understand. After invoking your guide and while still sitting, visualize / feel an energy or Light moving up from the ground, slowly moving up the legs, meeting in the pelvis, moving upward through the centre of the body, up through the crown of the head in a fountain form. Allow this fountain of Light to be present for a few breaths, then bring the fountain back down through the crown chakra, all the way down through the body, out the soles of the feet and into the earth. Practice this meditation daily.
My next post, “Is it you or is it me!!”, will be focused on deciphering guidance from the mind.