Where did my guides go?! Trust in the silent times..

I recently went through a period of time where I could not hear my Guide whisper sacred wisdom to me. I had run into a time of indecision in my life and I really needed to hear my sacred Guide’s loving, sometimes brutally honest, words. In order to invoke guidance I prayed, meditated, went for walks, hugged a tree, played with my dog, fasted, binged on chips, did yoga, lay on the sofa watching motivational movies all day, journaled, and pleaded for mercy, all to no avail.

In a final attempt to get my Guide’s attention I resorted to an outright tongue lashing aimed at the heavens. I gave the Divine a piece of my mind…a rather dramatic moment that only exhausted me.  I yelled out, “Where are you!!”, tear filled eyes, fists pointed to the heavens.   “What…are you hanging out at Starbucks having a Latte! I NEED YOU”!!  I waited, hoping that my rather powerful, drama filled moment would result in my Guide giving up their position in favour of my needs. In my mind I imagined my Guide succumbing to my drama and falling before me on bended knee apologetically giving me all that I wanted….nope.  Despite my protests and dramatic outcry, the silence continued.

I reactively came to the conclusion that I had no other choice but to implement a solution to my situation all on my own. I continued to blame blame blame, everyone and everything, oh poor me all alone no guidance by Spirit! I justified moving into control mode by concluding that Spirit had abandoned me. I forgot my Guide’s sacred teaching that  “it is not Spirits job to jump to MY demands but that Spirit is there to help unfold my most authentic expression and sometimes that expression is found in burning silence and the unfamiliar. Noise and clammer demanding a response from Spirit will never trick a Guide into serving that which does not serve.”  

So, off I went, taking control and stomping forward with my plans.  I spent hours and hours calculating things out and exacting a perfectly laid out plan. As I reviewed my plan I noticed I had a familiar sense of being satiated, but it was the kind of satiation similar to that of emotionally binge eating a big fat turkey dinner. I felt bloated, stuffed, tired, raring to go, my mind zipping around. I felt like I had the perfect plan,  I could see the perfect outcome.  I had all the ducks lined up in a row to make my plan happen, my ego was full and sedated.  The sense of control was stifling yet exhaustively exhilarating.  I knew this was a self perpetrated plan put in place out of impatience, fear and a need for control. The plan was bathed in solutions that were loud and dominant, richly spiced in the familiar. Although I found solutions I did not have peace. Nathan, my guide, previously taught me  “when you are on plan for your life, a silent whisper of peace will prevail, not satiation, but peace.” I did not feel peace, I felt a sense of control and satiated.

I ripped up the plan, put on my back pack and headed for the ocean. I have not come this far in my growth to tumble backwards into a pit of fear and control!  I needed to get out of my head and away from the nagging natter that was imprisoning me.  I zipped down to the beach and made a concerted effort to be in the present moment with no other agenda. I needed to be completely connected to all that was around me. No thoughts, just feelings of gratitude.

I went for a walk along the beach and gratefully embraced the scenery of snowy white capped mountains and the crystal clear ocean. I allowed my soul to fill with joy knowing that in this very moment, right now, I am alive, my life is filled with glorious gifts and they are all around me.  In this present moment all is absolute perfection.

Along my walk I reminisced about where my life was at several years ago and the miracle of where I am now. My whole being felt lighter, free, and at peace.  My Guide Nathan has taught me.. “Being in the present moment would not erase my trials, but if I allowed my self to indulge in the silent gift of the present moment and find the golden gems to be grateful for, I would experience the love of the Divine bathing me gifts and peace filled wisdom to assist with my trials. In the peace of the present gratitude filled moment, Guidance will fall upon me like a rainfall of golden wisdom from the great beyond.”  Feeling full of the present moment, my heart opened and my Guide’s wisdom began to flood in. My Guide did not give me answers to my dilemma, but rather gave me the guidance on how to navigate my trial in a most authentic way.

Nathan, my Guide,  started to whisper to my heart.. Dear one, you have learnt a most valuable lesson here. We, your beloved sacred messengers will not always be a rattling of noise filled directives swarming around you. We will always give you the sacred space to walk, as a toddler, on your own.” I listened intently, “My dear one, if we always natter to you, if we always hold your hand and direct you, where will you strengthen in your own resolve, your own instincts,  your own power and strength? Does a parent always hold the hand of a toddler, of one learning to ride a bike?…No, eventually we must let go and let you gather your strength, confidence, and sense of fulfillment.”

My guide continued,.. “Does a school teacher move in and live with you and tell you what to always do? N0 no, a good teacher empowers, draws from the inside out what is pure of the student, then leaves them to strengthen their self”. We are closest to you when we are silent.  Like a parent releasing the bike whilst a child is learning to ride, fear not for we are running behind or beside you, we are chasing away the wicked winds or clearing the stones, but we are there in the most supportive way. We may let you fall, but that is part of the learning. How else can your strengthen your resolve but only if you get to experience the silence.”

I asked Nathan, “then how do I know when Im taking over control out of fear and suffering verses implementing  skills I have learnt along the way to empower my journey? He replied “It’s all in the noise dear one. If the rattlings of the mind are loud, aggressive, all knowing, if the plan is laid out from start to finish in an exacting way with a perfect outcome, if you are implementing from impatience, fear and a feeling of suffering, then it is you and not us. These are musings from the past that give false comfort to an insecure feeling of the future.  But, If you feel the tingle of the unfamiliar, a shiver of fear that not all aspects are known yet, a silent excitement at the prospects of the unknown, if  the plan comes to you as  intermittent insights with space in-between to learn and apply, if it is creative, the unusual, if you are moving into uncharted territory but feel a jitter of joy, if the plan implements the new without historical muses, ah yes, then that is us!”

What did I learn

-Silence is a good thing, it is the space in which I learn trust, faith and patience. It is a time to take a day and be in the present moment, knowing all that I have been given, and gratefully celebrating. When my heart is overjoyed with the feeling of gratitude, it is from this space that I can begin to make my plans, peacefully, creatively and in a Light filled way.

-Noise, chatter, fear, feeling rushed, unfamiliar, taking control, a perfectly articulated plan are all indicators that only my mind is involved and Im drawing my conclusions from historical references vs creating my life looking forward. Im operating from comfort vs stretching, the space to grow into what I have learnt is robbed by the invasion of needed comfort to buffer the discomfort of moving from the familiar.

-Silence means my guides are right there, like a coach on the sidelines, watching, saying to me “go for it, lets see what you have learnt so we know what to tweek”. My Guide, just like a coach, has not abandoned me but has faith in what I have learnt, and is merely giving me an opportunity to exercise what I have been taught…the next lesson will come to enhance what I successfully apply, and to empower what I have forgotten.

-Just like a good Coach, my guide gives me lessons, then sends me out onto the field to empower what I have learnt. My Guide lets me “run with the ball!” Like a good coach, a Guide will not run the ball over the goal line (give the answer) but will coach you on how to get there. The silence means Spirit is giving me a chance to exercise what I have learnt under the teachings of Spirit’s guidance and under the watchful eye of my Guide.

Blessings and Light – Denise

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